


The Language of Loss

by darkangel_silvermoon



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Can be read as pre-slash, M/M, The feels, hurt/ comfort, spoilers for s06 e03-“JJ”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 13:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18692902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel_silvermoon/pseuds/darkangel_silvermoon
Summary: Sometimes there are no words.





	The Language of Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for season 6 episode 3 “JJ”

It wasn't even the nightmares that kept him awake, sticking to his skin in the pitch of night.

No, there wasn't any hoarse screaming to jerk him awake, all the horrific things he's seen passing before his eyes.

The wonders of never forgetting.

No, what kept Spencer up tonight was the loss.  
Just like the night before, and the night before, and the night before…he couldn't ignore it anymore.

So how did he find himself on Derek's front steps, working up the courage to knock? 

To ask what no grown man would ever think of asking for?

Spencer hesitates before knocking hard.

First there was nothing but the sound of crickets chirping around him, the street lamps buzzing permeating his head, making him sway tiredly in their cadence.

Then Clooney's drowsy woofs as Derek pads to the door.

Spencer’s darkest fears play like a haunting lullaby, stealing sleep from weary bones.

Derek jerks the door open, blinking his surprise as Spencer tucks his hands in his sleeves as he asks with nothing more than pleading eyes—HELP ME.

Spencer's teary eyed as Derek opens his screen door, reaching out to grab Spencer and tuck him in his arms.

It's as if all the sound was sucked out of the air as Spencer sobs, Derek lays a hand at the base of Spencer's neck, the other comforting hand rubbing Spencer's back. Spencer doesn't make a sound at first, just dry heaves of sadness.

Find the words to make me better…

Derek had known it was going to be bad, but didn't think it would affect Spencer like this.

J.J.'s departure was stupid, untimely, unnecessary, unexpected—yes. It was all these things, and each member of the team took it in different ways, but Derek could see it Spencer's eyes, in his voice as he said "they can't just take you away…"

Curtains drawn, door closed, someone took her name plate off the door, obliterating her existence from the B.A.U. They fucked with family…why? Strauss will be leveled sooner or later.

Derek murmured words of comfort as he squeezes Spencer tighter, as if he could absorb his pain. He would eat it if he could.

"Shhh… it's going to be okay."

They both sway in Spencer's grief. Spencer presses his face against the soft fabric of Derek's shirt as they both are caught in the undertow of Spencer's sorrow. Derek's heart kicks in his chest as he holds on tight…never let go.

After a while there is only muffled sobs as Spencer buries himself in Derek's touch, fist clenches as Spencer squirms away from the pain.

"They took her away! They take everyone away. Anyone who ever said they give a damn about me, they took them away. My father, my mom, Gideon, Elle, J.J…" Spencer's voice cracks.

"They're gonna take you away too!" He chokes as if a scab's been ripped away; the tears bubble forth and fall.

"No." Derek says definitively, lifting Spencer's chin to meet."I'm not going anywhere, got that? I'm always gonna be there for you, be it at the B.A.U or not. Whenever, where ever. Please kid, don't ever forget it." Derek speaks evenly as he wipes the tracks of sadness off Spencer's face as best he can.

Spencer nods. He knows that no matter what, Derek does his damned to keep a promise.

Derek keeps his word, and for that, Spencer is grateful.

Spencer stills, ear cocked, soothed by the steady muffled beat of Derek's heart.

"Come on, Pretty Boy, You need your rest. We've got a case tomorrow." Derek places a hand on Spencer's waist, leading him into the house. He shuts the door tightly behind him.

"You can sleep in the guest room, or"— Derek's cut off by Spencer's sleepy protest.

"I…I'm pretty sure this will—Can I sleep with you? I just"—Spencer stumbles before Derek interrupts.

"If you would let me finish, I was gonna say that my bed's big enough for two…if you don't mind sharing, that is." Derek chides jokingly.

"Sure, anything's better than being alone." Spencer sighs as Derek leads him into the bedroom.

"Kid, you're never alone." Derek says as he gets into bed. Spencer follows, pressing himself tightly into Derek's warmth.

Derek turns on the bedside lamp, Spencer sighs.

"This isn't weird, is it?" Spencer looks up at Derek through heavy lids.

"Nope. Now sleep." Derek yawns.  
"Sorry about bothering you so late. I—"

"Pretty Boy, you weren't bothering me. Now you are though, with all this apologizing'. Don't even go there. I love ya kid…Family sticks together. Now sleep before I…just sleep okay?" Derek smiles tiredly, pressing his lips to Spencer's forehead, arm settling protectively around Spencer's slight frame.

"Derek? Thanks for…everything." Spencer mumbles, laying his head on Derek's chest.

"Pretty Boy, 'm serious. I'll kick you outta bed. Not a problem...sleeps now." Derek laughs as Spencer finally gives in, body melting. The best rest he's had in years.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.


End file.
